One late night in last week, a friend of us called and asked us to come over“urgently”. We wasn’t sure what is going on and thought they might just have something to share with us. Arrived their place, we found that their family was in the middle of “intensive fellowship”. It is kind of awkward and all we can do is assuming the role of listener, because we really don’t know how to resolve it, as Chinese has an old saying, “清官難斷家務事 Even a good judge has a difficulty in judging the family matters”. 

Coincidentally, in last Friday night’s small group meeting, we watched / discussed a video titled, “How to resolve conflicts, part 2” Most of us find it is very useful. The guest speakers shared with us several their own examples and taught us some practical methods and approaches in resolving conflicts within a family. The foremost principle, per the speakers, is based on “love”.  And in practice, we should discuss events and matters instead of people. These are good principles since our careless words sometimes carry detrimental power when we speak them without love. In addition, words concerning personal behavior, instead of events/incidents, may put one on defense mode and fuel negative emotions inadvertently. One of our group members commented, “These are easy to say than done”. Yes, sometimes it does appear like that; otherwise this world would be a “better” place already 🙂

God gives us the ability to speak and communicate with words, but He also knows how difficult it is for us to control our tongue. The Bible, therefore, taught us many lessons in speaking words in love and in proper manner.  One of the familiar ones is “Speak truth in love 用愛心說誠實話 (Ephesians 4:15a)”. And, apostle Paul in his well-known teaching of “love” (1 Corinthians 13) mentioned that a person who can speak in the tongues of men or of angels, but do not have love, he is only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal (13:1). Similarly, the author of the book of James even warned us that the tongue is a flame of fire. It is a whole world of wickedness, corrupting your entire body. It can set your whole life on fire, for it is set on fire by hell itself. 舌頭就是火，在我們百體中，舌頭是個罪惡的世界，能污穢全身，也能把生命的輪子點起來，並且是從地獄裡點著的(James 3:6). No wonder king Solomon said,  “一句話說得合宜、就如金蘋果在銀網子裡Timely advice is lovely, like golden apples in a silver basket. (Proverb 25:11 NLT)”

Conflicts can occur when we insist our own view or opinions, without basing in truth and love. Sometimes it is better to calm down and rethink what we are going to say during confrontation. Someone once said, “It is better to bite your tongue than to make a biting remark. 與其出口傷人，不如緘口無言。”  It is very true!  We should learn how to control our tongue in all situations, especially when facing our family members. Perhaps you are familiar with the saying, “Great minds discuss ideas; average minds discuss events; small minds discuss people. 「君子論理，常人談事，小人議人。」” Hope we all soon become “great minds” in the future….